Asking Stupid Questions
Remember that kid who, at the end of every lesson, just seconds before the teacher dismissed the class for recess, would raise their hand with a question? We all know that kid, we all had one in every grade. I loathed that kid. To be so close to escaping the oppression of math to be flung right back into its clutches by a fellow classmate was tantamount to treason.
"Ms. Carey, can we go over that last word problem again?"
"Mr. Hymer, are we still having a quiz today? You said we would have it in the morning but school is almost over.
This Benedict Arnold darkened every classroom with their total lack of desire for early dismissal. Why? I would scream in my head, whirling back in my seat as I shot daggers at the kid. Why can't you keep your big mouth shut?!
The worst of it was nothing could restrain these type of kids. Not threats, as the teacher walked out of ear shot and the kid was bombarded with hisses from his or her seat mates (the questioner was never bound by a certain gender). Dirty looks, my specialty, did nothing and even the audible groan as they raised their hand were meet with obliviousness or the cruelest kind of defiance. They wanted their question answered more than lunch!
I, on the other hand, never asked questions in class and wore that as a badge of honor. It wasn't because I understood everything. In fact I never asked questions because I was terrified everyone would find out how little I knew. I couldn't let my class know I was stupid. The irony is, of course, that I never ever thought the kid asking questions was stupid. Just me.
In first grade I was placed in the lowest level reading group, the Brown Reading Level, if you can believe it. That's how much faith they had in us. We were a ragtag group of left-handers and English-as-a-second-language-ers who didn't understand why the other groups were cool colors like orange and blue and we were stuck with brown. I'm sure we would have been happy with mustard yellow or beige but no one asked us. I received a D in reading that year.
I truly felt stupid for most of my childhood, which probably explains why I loved sports so much when I was younger. Stick with what you're good at, right? Eventually I reached the proper reading level and began devouring books and sincerely enjoyed history and creative writing but math kept me in check, reminding me that no matter how hard I tried, my mind was too dumb to "get it".
Of the many things I wish I could go back and do over in my life, asking questions is a big one. I wish I hadn't been afraid to ask questions. I wish I could have seen the bravery in that annoying kid who wanted knowledge and understanding more than an extra minute of playtime. I have come to love learning and wish my younger self would have been less ashamed to experience the joy of wondering aloud. I wish this, not so that I could have gotten better marks in school, but to have begun the life-long habit of asking questions, earlier in life. What would I know now that I don't? What have I missed out on? I'm sure the answer is: a lot.
I'm trying to cultivate an environment at home where question asking is good and encouraged. This is tricky because let's face it, someone asking a lot of questions can be annoying. Anyone who has spent time with a three year-old can attest to that.
"Why, mom? Why ? Why?"
"Because I said so!
But asking questions is not only good for our intelligence, I believe it is good for our souls. We find ourselves and our place in the universe with questions. Prophets found themselves at the feet of God only after first seeking him out. The truth, after all, will set us free*. How much better do we come to know our children when we ask them questions? How does that make them feel if we aren't diligently getting to know them better?
In honor of my journey to begin asking and allowing questions to be asked I submit some of my favorite questions I or others I love have asked, in a way to promote healthy wonder and curiosity. My goal is for my kids to feel there are no stupid questions and even if there is one, ask it anyway.
My Favorite "Stupid" Questions:
1. "Where do snakes go in a fire?" This was actually a question my mom asked during a family road trip and she was ridiculed by my family for asking it. I defend her now (two decades too late, sorry mom) by saying that it is not a stupid question and I too would like to know what snakes do and where they go during a fire.
2. "Why does the earth have colors?" Okay, this question is actually from a *movie, one of my favorites, in which the Pocahontas character asks the question to her instructor who discovers she probably has far more to teach him. I admire her lack of guile in asking such a simple yet profound question and I too would like to know the same.
3. "What do you think that mountain is called?" This is one I asked my older brother during a road trip (I'm noticing a pattern: my family, road trips...) who mocked me for asking it. I stand by my question. What is the name of that mountain in southern Arizona just off the highway?
4."Why are you tired, mom?" I mentioned this question in an earlier blog post. My daughter asked me this this past summer after I tiredly staggered through preparing dinner and prayed for an early bedtime. I still think its a funny question; that kids need a reason to be tired.
5. "Don't ask 'Can I?' Ask 'I can!'" Another *quote from media. Maybe this is a stupid question but one might argue it's not even really a question.
6. "If the sun is a star, do we have need to fear it dying and becoming a shooting star and deserting us?" Think about it.
7. "Why do I poop?" My sons asked me this when they were four and after pulling out an old anatomy book, we had a great discussion about the digestive system.
8. "Where do babies come from?" A question to be embraced, not feared by parents because what more beautiful and important thing is there that we can teach our kids?
9. "Can I go to the bathroom?" My fifth grade teacher wouldn't let us go to the bathroom if that is how we phrased the question. "I don't know, can you?" He would reply back. We quickly learned the proper way to ask that question is "May I go to the restroom?" Great teachers for the win!
10. "Can I have that?" No, my beloved child, you may not have that.
11. "Why not?" Because you have not earned it. Because you have plenty of toys at home. Because you can't get whatever you want whenever you want it.
12. "Why not?" Because that is not good for you and I love you too much to raise you as a spoiled kid who is incapable of appreciating things. I want you to be a happy person and happy people are happy because they are grateful. Great talk! Thanks for asking.
* John 8:32, New Testament, Holy Bible.
* The New World, 2005, written and directed by Terrence Malick.
* Arrested Development. Steve Holt!